The past few posts have sort of jumped around, reminiscing about this or that, and that’s all good and fun…but what about the facts on turning 50? It can’t be all chicken fajitas and bourbon…can it??
The drink? Water. It was gym night.
The Artist and The Song: Smashing Pumpkins – Thru the Eyes of Ruby
“To the revelations of fresh faced youth
No one will come to save you
So speak your peace in the murmurs drawn
But youth is wasted on the young”
Pardon my language, but music of the 90’s was just so fucking great. So many new artists…new bands…and new music. And I mean NEW music, as in, nobody had ever heard anything like it before. Smashing Pumpkins was one of those new bands making that new music. To simply label them as grunge and move on is not fair. They were grunge, to be sure, but there was more to it, and that was on full display on their album “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness“, which is where you’ll find this song. To me, it is a masterpiece from front to back.
I realize that in these past few reflections on turning 50, I have not really reflected much about how I feel about actually TURNING 50. I’m not dwelling on it, but I would be lying if I said I hadn’t been thinking about it. Hell, I was thinking about it a year ago when I turned 49. It wasn’t that I was really fretting it or anything, but it does feel like a milestone a bit more than any of the birthdays before it.
I am sure I am not alone in this, but when I was a kid, I used to think my parents were SO old. I think now about how when I was 18, my dad was 45, and man…that just seemed so old. However, as someone who has recently been 45, I can tell you that I didn’t think of it as being that old at the time, and I’m sure he didn’t either.
But even if I didn’t feel that old mentally, it seemed like my body had other plans. In short order after turning 45, I found out I had (REALLY) high blood pressure, I figured out it was harder to lose those same 40 pounds that I have been gaining and losing over the course of my whole life, and it seemed like my ability to see things clearly up close went away almost overnight.
So what fresh hell does 50 have in store? Well, I feel like the last year or so has probably been a preview.
One thing I will point out is that I don’t feel like anyone adequately warned me about how much eyebrow maintenance there would be. I can tell you that the amount I had prepared for was zero, seeing as how that’s how much I’ve had to deal with for the first 40-plus years.
I also never expected to get so worked up about not being able to find a pair of readers…particularly when “I just had them a damn minute ago!”. I found myself just short of pissed off the other night because I was SURE I’d just had those damn glasses and laid them down SOMEWHERE, but I couldn’t find them. I convinced myself that maybe I’d left them somewhere in Morehead earlier…perhaps at La Finca, where I’d had to put them on to read the damn ticket and write the tip on it. I ended up finding them in a place that made no sense for me to have put them, and THAT pissed me off, too.
Another fun and exciting thing is that things that start hurting now don’t always stop hurting eventually like they used to. I messed my knee up pretty badly playing basketball about 15 years ago. Someone got under me when I went up for a rebound and my knee went a direction it was not supposed to go.
I had to have people help me off the court, and it was a struggle to walk. It hurt like hell. So what did I do about it? Not a damn thing. No doctors, nothing. And a few weeks later, I put on a brace and was able to start playing ball again, and eventually, it felt good as new.
Now? If I happen to fold my knee under me for a little too long while I’m watching TV, it might hurt for days. So that’s exciting.
All of those fun surprises aside, I still don’t think of myself as old. Hell, sometimes I forget that I am actually an adult. I don’t think I’ve even yelled at any kids to get off my lawn yet. Seriously though, sometimes I feel like I’m some kid who has slipped into a costume of a 50 year old man and snuck in to the adult club to see what’s up and talk about lawnmowers.
That youthful mentality aside, I really have learned a lot in these 50 years, and I am looking forward to learning so much more. I sometimes play this game in my mind where I ask myself whether I would jump back in time to an earlier version of me if given the chance. The prospect of regaining the youth is certainly appealing, but man…without all the shit I know now? I’m pretty sure the only way I would be down to do it would be if I could still know everything I know now.
You’ve probably heard the saying, “youth is wasted on the young”. I never really thought about that when I was younger, but I sure as hell think a lot about it now that I’m older. If you could package all of the shit we come to know later on in life and put that into the brain and body of an 18 year old? Lord a mercy…we’d be unstoppable.
Another good thing about being the age I am now? It meant I was in my 20’s during what I consider to be THE best decade in music history…the 90’s. Especially the first half. Mercy.
And even though I may not have made the year-long commitment to physical well-being that I promised myself a year ago, I am proud to say that Becky and I have been regular visitors to the gym and the walking track at Old Mill Park for the past two months, and that’s something I’ve NEVER done in the years prior to this one. I mean, I’ve had little moments here and there, but this feels different, and it feels good to be doing it. I hope to stick with it.
And after settling in to doing basically the same job for 15 years and figuring I’d still be doing it for the next 12, that all changed pretty suddenly two years ago and then it changed again a year ago. I am doing things now that I certainly could not have imagined doing 2 years ago, and I am loving it. I will admit that I was scared shitless about the changes at first, and I am nervous about it some days because it is still fresh and new, but I am also excited about it…because it is fresh and new.
So you see? That old saying about not being able to teach an old dog new tricks? That shit ain’t true.
In some ways? I feel like I’m just getting started.